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“I’ve single-handedly raised these amazing humans.” Explore the lives of four solo-parenting women from different parts of the world.

Every family dynamic is different.

I often write my blog from my perspective; a married woman whose husband lives at home and works nearby.

I also have an extended support network, all living and working close to me.

So I knew I was not equipped nor educated to speak on behalf of women who are raising children alone.

On HSS’s Instagram page, I shared a story asking if any readers were willing to share their experiences for the blog.

I wrote down questions that I wanted to know, hoping they may resonate with others who may also be curious.

Or perhaps someone is reading this article right now, considering leaving a relationship and looking for a different perspective.

All I know is, I wanted to give HSS a different voice, a different point of view.

After all, we’re all about empowering women here!

Surprisingly, I received more support than I had anticipated.

Even more surprising were the women who were not only single parenting or co-parenting, but also solo parents, carers, foster mums, grandparents caring for children – I was speechless.

Over the coming months, I’ll incorporate these women and their stories into HSS.

To give them a platform, a voice, and even, sometimes, a write of reply to the common misconceptions.

Side note: It was not until after writing, sending, and receiving these responses that I realised how confused I was by the terms single parenting and solo parenting. Apologies in advance; some of the questions may reference single parenting; however, the mum answering the question may, in fact, be solo parenting. See, I’m still learning!

Mum 1 is aged 35-40, lives in Australia and has two-year-old twins.
Mum 2 is aged 40-45, lives in Switzerland and has eight-year-old twins.
Mum 3 is aged 50-55, lives in the UK and has two daughters, aged 26 and 28.
Mum 4 is aged 30-35, lives in Australia and has one child.

Here are the compelling responses from four amazing, resilient mums from across the globe.

1. Are you happy to share your current living situation?
   
   Mum 1: Renting – when we separated I had no where to go (he owned the house) and so therefore I had to move in with my mum for a while until I could afford to find a rental of my own – which in the current climate proved tricky.
   
   Mum 3: Council – renting.
   
   Mum 4: Yes, I am currently renting. Only thing I can afford to do. 
   
   
2. Is cleaning or keeping a tidy home at the top of your priorities?
   
   Mum 1: Keeping the house tidy is a priorty – but I must say that cleaning is something I have let go of a fair bit. I have a robot vacuum – it does a good job. And now I live in a newer home I find the maintenance isn’t as great as it was when I lived in a QLD’r – I also think not having a husband means I don’t have an extra person to clean up answer! 
   
   Mum 2: No. I do like my house tidy but it’s just not possible with 2 kids and full-time job. This was difficult for me at first as I always liked everything in order and clean and organized. 
   
   Mum 3:  I feel it’s important to have a tidy home but would not class it as a priority.
   
   Mum 4: Cleaning and keeping my space is an importance to me and when it is messy or not done I go a little crazy. Although there are times that I can stay on top of the housework and days where I am unable to between work and looking after my child.
   
   
3. I understand your child has medical needs. What is it like navigating your child’s disability/ disorder/ condition?
   
   Mum 4: My child has ADHD, PTSD and ASD, navigating through his needs and extra requirements can be quit difficult as there are appointments to attend to and also trying to understand the child’s needs when he is unable to communicate clearly what has triggered him.
   
   
4. How do you manage work when school holidays roll around?
   
   Mum 1: My twins are in daycare and I work from home on daycare days. So school terms aren’t affecint us atm. 
   
   Mum 2:  I am lucky enough to be able to work from home. My employer is fantastic and understanding about my situation. But it’s not always easy as kids don’t always understand why mummy has to work and doesn’t have time for them. But I have to say I am also very lucky to have my mum who helps out. 
   
   Mum 3: When my children were younger I was lucky enough to work self employed from home but as they got older and it was safe to leave them by themselves I checked in with my daughters at certain points during the day.
   
   Mum 4: Ahh work and school holidays is proven its difficulties. At times, I need to have unpaid leave which causes financial stress, or, find care for my child and pay for the care. Otherwise my dearest is having to come to work with me and be as patient as possible whilst I work. 
   
   
5. How has the rising cost of living affected you personally?
   
   Mum 1: Rent is insane. Just over the last 12mths my rent has increase $85/ week. The cost of feeding the kids has skyrocktted and daycare has just gone up again.
   
   Mum 2: It’s difficult and worrying. Mentally it’s worrying too. I just want to give my kids best life. I have a good job but even there there’s the uncertainty if the job will remain or not. And things are currently changing. 
   
   Mum 3:  Many things have significantly increased so have learnt to be more money conscious.
   
   Mum 4: The cost of living has affected me greatly as it is quite expensive to put great food on the table every night when there just isn’t enough funds to do so. 
   
   
6. Does the father of your child/ren assist you? (Financially, visitation, holidays etc.)
   
   Mum 1: He sees the kids. Pays minimal child support – he currently pays $20/ week.
   
   Mum 2: Not at all. this is what makes me angry. He has never taken the kids to his home even.  Financially he pays occasionally. But I always have to tell him and he always has some excuse because he is self-employed. But has just built a very big house.
   
   Mum 3: Never financially assisted. Due to experiencing domestic abuse, due to dad not getting what he wanted in court, he stopped seeing the children.
   
   
7. Is Centrelink beneficial or helpful in any way?
   
   Mum 1: I consider myself lucky and fortunate – without centrelink we would be in a dire situation. They top up my income to a level where I feel we are comfortable. 
   
   Mum 2: In Switzerland we don’t have this. And as long as you work nobody helps. 
   
   Mum 4: No Centrelink is not beneficial.
   
   
8. Are you able to save money?
   
   Mum 1: I don’t think I’m actually saving money atm. But I have money in savings from when we split that I try not to touch – but I’m pretty sure I’m eating at it slowly  hard to know when paying legal fees also.
   
   Mum 2: I try to save. Some months better than others but life in Switzerland is very expensive 
   
   Mum 4: Barely able to save anything 
   
   
9. What is your relationship like with the father of your child/ren? 
   
   Mum 1: Strained and tense. We don’t really have a relationship as such. We communicate via email and his emails are often accusatory and abusive. We are still in court – trial in October so once that happens and the orders are in place I am hopeful things may shift. His new gf is very big on the scene and she isn’t helpful in promoting a coparenting relationship. 
   
   Mum 2: Kids don’t have a relationship with him. They don’t see him as the dad.  Occasionally he will come to mine (which is very hard) to see kids for 30 min. And then leaves. And in this time he is only on the phone. It makes me very angry but I try to keep strong for the kids sake even though the father does not deserve this. He has never taken them on vacation. 
   
   Mum 4: No relationship with the father of my child due to DV.
   
   
10. What is your child/ren’s relationship like with their father?
    
    Mum 1: My children are tiny – 2 years – they love him. They think he is fun and enjoy going to his house. Apart from that I’m unsure of the relationship because I don’t hear anything. 
    
    Mum 2: Kids don’t have a relationship with him. They don’t see him as the dad.  Occasionally he will come to mine (which is very hard) to see kids for 30 min. And then leaves. And in this time he is only on the phone. It makes me very angry but I try to keep strong for the kids sake even though the father does not deserve this.
    
    Mum 3: They made their own decision to disown him.
    
    Mum 4: There is no relationship between father and child.
    
    
11. Do you have a support system?  
    
    Mum 1: I have a great support group of friends. Childcare is great. My mum helps when she can but she is still working full time.
    
    Mum 2: My mum. She is the best. Would be lost without her. 
    
    Mum 3: Family and a few trusted friends.
    
    Mum 4: I have a support system but it isn’t a big one and it isn’t always helpful.
    
    
12. How do you go about making Mum friends? 
    
    Mum 1: Strangely enough some of the closest friends we have have been made in the weirdest places – one mum at the Post Natal Ward when I was in hospital with PND when we separated, one mum friend from a Marketplace purchase! And another of my closest friends (male and nothing going on there) was made via an online dating app (when the kids were tiny and I was delusional thinking I had time/energy for dating!)
    
    Mum 2: Since kids are in school I have some mum friends. I have to say it is not easy to make friends in Switzerland especially as a foreigner.  I’m half British half Italian. Even though I have lived here since I was a child you are still seen as a foreigner. But the place I live in in Switzerland is a little village and great for kids. And kids are my priority. 
    
    Mum 3: Used to be toddler groups, school pick up times and children’s after school leisure time.
    
    Mum 4: I don’t know where to start on making mum friends. Even mums of my sons friends there’s no friendship. 
    
    
13. How important is co-parenting to you?
    
    Mum 1: It is so important to me but it isn’t to my ex so I don’t have a choice over it. 
    
    Mum 2: At the beginning I would have wanted it . But now definitely not. He would not be capable. I still think it’s important but it just depends on the father and what’s best for you. 
    
    Mum 3: Very important to have a positive relationship if possible.
    
    
14. Do you ever feel lonely, or does your independence empower you?
    
    Mum 1: I don’t think I really have time to feel lonely atm. I think when the twins are spending overnights with their dad I will be. But my independence certainly empowers me. I have lots of friends who call me a superhero and wonderwoman and supermum etc. I don’t think I’m any of those things. All mums (well most) do what they can for their kids and when handed a shitty set of cards we just have to deal with them the best we can.
    
    Mum 2: There are times where I feel lonely but at the same time I have grown a strong independent woman! And proud of what I have achieved.
    
    Mum 3:  I have always been an I dependant person and thrive in my own company.
    
    Mum 4: Yes.
    
    
15. Is dating important to you right now?  
    
    Mum 1: Not right now. I want to just enjoy this stage with my kids. Also my situation is too messy being in court right now to introduce anyone else into that. I also don’t have enough kid free time to consider it atm. Maybe one day.
    
    Mum 2: No it’s not. One day it would be nice to find someone. I am not looking for love but if it would happen then yes. My kids are my priority. They get all my attention. Don’t think I would have Time to give attention to a man now. 
    
    Mum 3: No. Does not seem a priority.
    
    Mum 4: No dating is the last thing that has ever been on my mind as supporting my child is my main priority.
    
    
16. What is the most empowering thing about being a single parent?
    
    Mum 1: Eating all the chocolate myself! I think really the best part is being able to witness all the firsts and special moments myself. Knowing I’ve single handedly raised these amazing humans. Knowing I can do this then I can do anything. And that my kids will grow up with empathy.
    
    Mum 2: Seeing the kids grow and seeing what they are becoming. The most empowering aspect of being a single parent often lies in the sense of resilience and self-reliance it fosters. I frequently discover my inner strength as I manage multiple responsibilities and navigate challenges on my own. This journey of self-discovery and capability has lead to profound personal growth and a deep sense of accomplishment. Additionally, I have built an incredibly strong bond with my children, fostering a sense of unity and teamwork that can be profoundly rewarding.
    
    Mum 3: As my daughters got older they said that they do not have a dad and do not need one as I am better than a mum and dad put together.
    
    Mum 4: The end result, knowing I’ve done it myself, I’ve raised my boy alone, at my very best and knowing the good job I did especially when others comment on my sons manners behaviour etc.
    
    
17. What do you consider to be the most challenging part of single parenting?
    
    Mum 1: Dealing with a toxic ex and his weaponised gf. And the financial stress/pressure. The unknowns. But also the grief around my life/ kids lifes / future not looking like I had dreamed or imagined it would.
    
    Mum 2: I make certain decisions on my own. I have gotten used to it, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone help or tell me I have made the right decision.
    
    Mum 3: Financial element.
    
    Mum 4: Many challenges being a single parent I find having to try and navigate through every day life on your own with a child is quite hard.
    
    
18. What does ‘me-time’ look like for you?
    
    Mum 1: Bahahaha Ummm I have coffee with friends, catch up with friends if I can. I recently binge watched the whole of Gilmore Girls! And I try and get stuck in a good light and breezy novel to escape and give me a bit of a break. 
    
    Mum 2: Once kids are in bed and just enjoy sitting on the sofa and watch a series or read a book.
    
    Mum 3: Going to the gym, watching trash tv or meeting with friends.
    
    Mum 4: Me time for me is when my son goes to bed and I can put my feet up and watch a tv series or movie.
    
    
19. Is there anything you would like to share with others that you wish more people knew about when it comes to being a single parenting?
    
    Mum 1: I think people need to not look down at single parents. They didn’t choose this life for their kids – AND if they did it is because this life is better than the life they had previously. 
    
    Mum 2: the importance of community and support. While single parenting can be incredibly empowering, it can also be isolating and overwhelming at times. Understanding and acknowledging the challenges faced by single parents, offering help, and creating supportive environments can make a significant difference. Additionally, it’s important to recognize the diverse experiences and strengths of single parents, rather than focusing solely on their struggles. Celebrating their achievements and resilience can help foster a more inclusive and supportive community.
    
    Mum 3: It is one of the hardest things to manage but very rewarding to look back on things when they are older.
    
    Mum 4: I won’t tell no parent it is going to be easy because it is far from however it is very rewarding and you just need to ensure you have a budget surrounding rent bills fun time food etc to make it as great as possible.
    
    
20. Finally, what advice would you give to a Mum who is considering becoming a single parent?
    
    Mum 1: I would say if your partner isn’t supportive, the love of your life, adding to your life, a safe place for you and your kids – get out. It is harder than it sounds, harder than it looks but the benefits if you can surround yourself with the right kind of people will.
    
    Mum 2: It’s not easy but very rewarding in the end. never doubt yourself or give up! you are doing an excellent job. And ask for help! I’ve had to learn that.
    
    Mum 3: There is no such thing as a perfect parent. Enjoy every moment no matter how hard it may seem at the time.
    
    Mum 4: Depending on the circumstances, if you’re thinking of becoming a single parent go for it. There is nothing better to see your child flourish in a happy space. Don’t be to hard on yourself and just do your absolute best. You got this. 

I want to wholeheartedly thank the beautiful Mums who participated in this week’s article. It was wonderful to read your words and gain an insight into the life of a single and solo parent.

I’m eager to invite readers to contribute to our topics in the future.

If you would like to participate, be featured in a specific topic, or have a topic in mind, please email melissa@hersecondshift.com.