I’m not an expert in this field, so I’d like to hear your thoughts on this dilemma.
How on earth do you make friends as an adult
Especially if you’re a parent.
I recently turned 35 and similar to the natural collagen in my face, my friendship pool is declining.
People say it is because I’m “never available… always busy… never home” etc.
Truthfully, I have become accustomed to my own company.
When the twins are in childcare, I relish a quiet day of writing, coffee or relaxing.
Some days though, you just want to get together with your friends without having to plan months in advance.
Top ways to make friends as a Mum
From my extensive research, these are the best ways to make friends:
- Join a group or club
- Learn a language or a new skill e.g. cooking class
- Join a gym or fitness class
- School Mum interactions – whether that be at childcare, prep, primary school etc.
- Online tools, such as Facebook groups
- The ‘Peanut App: Find Mum Friends’
The introvert in me would not have me do any of the above willingly.
The shame factor of not making a single friend is enough to have me crawl back into my wine bottle… I mean, shell.
But your kids go to childcare; what about other parents?
Tate and Levi have been in childcare for 8 months and I have barely spoken a word to other parents.
We prefer to drop off and pick up, rather than standing around discussing the tantrums you may have dealt with over the weekend.
I do know the names of most kids, as we recite them to and from care, but I’m not as familiar with faces.
During the centre’s Christmas party, the parents, educators and kids from all the different rooms came together.
It was a fantastic display of support, however, it was challenging to recognise who was with who.
So instead of mingling and introducing myself, I sat with the farm animals instead.
Raising a child takes a village – except when certain villagers are morons
While I’ve not encountered this, I often wonder – it’s hard enough for me to make friends; then there are single parents, parents of ethnicity, parents with cultural beliefs, non-binary parents or parents who have children with disabilities, learning or behavioural issues.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where there is a minority who are pigheaded, racist or judgmental.
It’s hard enough (I can only imagine) raising a child with ASD to then have a small percentage of people not want to be a part of your village.
If anything, these are the people you want to be friends with the most.
They teach you, inform you and humble you.
Parents Unite Against Toddler Bullying
I feel that what I’m missing is having a Mum friend who not only has kids of a similar age – I need a twin Mum friend.
Having twins is a little different than having a singleton and I’d love to have a twin parent to vent to!
Friendships come and go – but you certainly notice a difference after having kids.
If you had a baby during COVID like me, this caused even more introvertion.
Isolation for months on end, no groups where you could interact with other Mums.
It was the one time my social anxiety craved another human being experiencing something similar to myself.
Recently, I was at our local place centre and was chatting to a Mum who not only had twins, but our twins were in NICU in the same hospital ward at the same time.
You would think that that amount of association would lead to a friendship, right?
Oh no, I couldn’t get the courage to ask her if she wanted to meet up with our twins for a coffee.
It was like asking someone on a date. I’m no good with rejection.
I’d never had a proper date before MAFS.
Apparently, I’m still no good at asking people out on dates.
And I’m married!
I still couldn’t extend a Mum-date with a potential new friend.
Instead, I left and thought about the ‘what if’?
What if we became friends?
Maybe we’d have family holidays together….
Our children might even date in the future…
Yet, my anti-socialness ‘friend-blocked’ me.